I will allow you to make up for the missed exam tomorrow morning." The professor nods sympathetically and says: "I see that it was not your fault. We had no spare one, and since we were driving on backroads, it took hours until we got help." They go to the professor's office and offer him an explanation: "We went to our friend's birthday party, and when we were driving back home very early on Monday morning, we suddenly had a flat tire. When they finally arrive on campus, the exam is already over. As it happens, they drink too much at the party, and on Monday morning, they are all hung over and oversleep. So, when it's time for the final, they decide not to study on the weekend before, but to drive to another friend's birthday party in another city - even though the exam is scheduled for Monday morning. Suddenly the bartender turns around and yells "PLUS THE CONSTANT OF INTEGRATION!"įour friends have been doing really well in their Calculus class: they have been getting top grades for their homework and on the midterm. The first professor calls over the blonde bartender and says "Alright what is the integral of x-squared?"Īnd the bartender answers "x-cubed divided by 3!" as she walks away the other professor is all amazed. The other professor says "Alright prove it to me" Look I bet I can prove that an ordinary working girl knows high level math" So the other professor comes back from the bathroom and the optimistic professor says "Hey your statement earlier really upset me. The remaining professor calls over the pretty blonde bartender and says "When I call you over next time and as you a question answer with x-cubed divided by 3" The first man says "Whatever im going to the bathroom." The other one says "I think you are way to hard on people and anyways what a pessimistic view of life!" Hardly anyone understands math properly." One says "I am so dissapointed in people nowadays. Two math professors are sitting in a bar. The guy comes up to him and says: "Aren't you scared, I'll integrate you, I'll differentiate you!"Īnd the other guy says: "No, I am not scared, I am e^x." It was a derivative work.Ī guy gets on a bus and starts threatening everybody: "I'll integrate you! I'll differentiate you!" Someone released a set of supplementary notes on a textbook about differential calculus. Q: Why is it that the more accuracy you demand from an interpolation function, the more expensive it becomes to compute?
Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a zebra. Q: Why did the algebra students throw bottles of hand cream across the classroom?Ī: They were investigating projectile lotion. Q: What's yellow and equivalent to the Axiom of Choice. Q: What did one calculus book say to the other?Ī: Don't bother me I've got my own problems! Q: Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?Ī: Because they have sine and cosine to get a tan and don't need the sun! Q: What is the integral of log cabin d cabin? Q: Why was the function so bent out of shape?Ī: Its regression model was too tight a fit.
Q: Have you heard about the constipated calculus teacher? Q: Why was the Calculus teacher bad at baseball?Ī: He was better at fitting curves than hitting them.
Q: Why is a calculus book always unhappy?Ī: Because it always has lots of problems. Q: Did you hear the one about the statistician? Q: Did I tell you about my hot math teacher? Q: Why was the parent function upset with its child? Q: What is polite and works for the phone company? Q: What's the derivative of Amazon with respect to cost of shipping? Q: How does a mathematician induce good behavior in her children?Ī: "I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times." Q: What is the value of the contour integral around Western Europe?Ī: Because all poles are in Eastern Europe! Q: What is the first derivative of a cow? Q: What's the integral of (1/cabin)d(cabin)? Q: Why wont Goldilocks drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it? Q: What does Calculus and my dick have in common? Q: Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
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